Dating a Man Going Through a Divorce: Advice from a Dating Coach
As a smart, strong, and successful woman, you probably never imagined falling in love with a man still going through a divorce process. But as the saying goes, you can't help who you fall in love with.
So, what do you do when you fall in love with someone whose marital status is in limbo? Technically, he's still legally married while the divorce proceedings are ongoing.
But while attraction isn't a choice, you can still decide who your new partner will be.
If you find yourself in this kind of situation, here's some dating a man going through a divorce advice straight from Dating Coach and love life expert Evan Marc Katz:
Examine what you want in your new relationship.
Ask yourself: Do you want a long-term relationship, or is it just a fling for you?
If you answered the former, it might not be a good idea to start dating a separated man who's not yet divorced.
Remember, it doesn't matter if this man is attractive, good to you, and takes care of your needs. The hard truth is, he's still a married man.
You can't call his previous partner his ex-wife unless he's already divorced. That's a sticky situation right there.
Ask him why he's not yet completing the divorce process.
There are plenty of reasons why couples already living separate lives are not pushing through a divorce.
It might be due to various reasons, like child support issues, divorce lawyers' fees, and healthcare insurance. It doesn't necessarily mean he's a bad person.
But on the other hand, you also have to consider that this person may still be working things out with this ex-wife. You wouldn't want to begin dating and find yourself in the middle of the drama.
Whatever his reasons may be, it's best if there's already a court order on the divorce before you start thinking of living a new life with him.
Consider that remarriage and a serious relationship may be far from the mind of your new partner.
Think about it: If your potential partner had been in a lousy marriage, how much of a rush do you think the guy will be to remarry quickly?
This guy is probably on the rebound, which makes you his rebound person.
This guy started dating because he's looking for someone to fill a void in his life. Someone who'll welcome him with open arms and give him attention and affection. He's looking for someone that's everything his ex-spouse wasn't.
That's why you have to consider that at this point, your love interest might not yet be ready for a committed relationship. And it may take a while for him to be ready.
Cut it before feelings start to grow.
This may not be what you want to hear, but dating a guy with a pending divorce is risky. Once you start falling for him, it will become harder and harder to extricate yourself.
Most of the time, guys like these are emotionally unavailable. They might not be able to return your feelings the same way you want them to because, technically, they still have strings attached.
Because he's not all-in into your relationship, he might become a different man as time goes by. He might even ghost you when things start to get real.
You might even continue dating, but when push comes to shove, he's not going to want to become more serious the second he's completely divorced.
Be honest with your expectations.
As in any kind of relationship, open and honest communication is vital. The same goes for dealing with a man undergoing a divorce.
It's best to eventually talk to him and be honest that you want a good relationship without any strings attached. Tell him that since he's still getting divorced, this might not be the right time to enter a new relationship.
It might sting for a while, but know that you're doing yourself a favor by not getting caught up in a still-married person's life.
Dating a man going through a divorce settlement is a bad idea. The same goes for recently separated men, recently divorced men, and long-distance men -- you'll have a tough time having them as partners for your next relationship.
The wisest thing to do is rip it off like a bandaid before feelings take root in your heart. Don't waste your time on someone you can't see as a long-term partner.
As cliche as it may sound, there are lots of fish in the sea who don't need to deal with a divorce attorney and all that divorce paperwork.
And if you're really meant to be, he can find you again when he's an officially divorced man and finally ready to give you the emotional support you deserve.